Grace and goodwill

We’re still enjoying unseasonably warm Spring weather. It’s been wonderful waking up to sunny blue skies. Even more so after enduring an unusually cold start to Winter. Long may it last.

We need a little sunshine in our lives right now. Sadly, barely three months after my mother’s death, Garry’s mother is now in her final weeks of life. Earlier this year Rhonda was diagnosed with terminal bile duct cancer and given months to live. Since then, her journey has been a textbook case of extraordinary grace and goodwill. 

Rhonda has used the time judiciously to organise her affairs. She’s helped Murray prepare for life without her, planned her funeral and spent quality time with family. Along the way, she’s undertaken three rounds of palliative chemotherapy to manage her symptoms, including fluid continuously building up in her abdominal cavity.

As the months pass her journey is becoming more fraught. In early August she went into hospital after an opportunistic infection took its toll. She spent 16 days on the ward before finally being discharged. Her time at home lasted eight days before a second opportunistic infection sent her back to hospital. This time to stay.

On each occasion, there were days we all thought we'd said our last goodbye. However, Rhonda has bounced back, albeit weaker and a little less mobile than before. Garry now spends several hours with her in the evening most days, while Murray visits from mid-morning to mid-afternoon.

The family is still enjoying some precious moments - like the Mother's Day celebrations we enjoyed in May - and Murray's birthday today. The photo above was taken in May.

Rhonda's been granted a rare gift. She's had time to frame her thoughts, share memories most precious to her, express regret for things left undone, or unsaid, and offer sage advice for those around her. This remarkable time of closure is proving therapeutic for everyone, myself included.  I've certainly come to appreciate the depth of her character in ways I'd failed to comprehend until now.

I envy the Smiths. My family never had this experience with either of my parents. Dad was in total denial until the bitter end. He’d never talk about how he was feeling or what mattered most to him while Mum’s advanced dementia stopped her from articulating anything meaningful beyond a fleeting, wry smile.

No doubt we have some heart-breaking days ahead. However, for now, we’re celebrating Rhonda’s kindness, generosity of spirit, and genuine warmth – with her still in the room.

UPDATE: 14 September 

Garry and I visited Rhonda in the hospital tonight. Sadly, the end is very near. We have 2-4 days left at best. It’s confronting, and a little overwhelming, going through all this again so soon after my own mother’s death.